Dear Birth Momma, 

Thank you for reading this.  We want you to know that you are loved. We see you.  Your bold and courageous decision will be a part of your journey and it is our deepest prayer that you have peace when you choose your forever family for your child. Whoever you are, wherever you are, whether you choose us or not, please know that you matter and know that we have been praying for you.  If you are the special Momma who does choose us, we can’t wait to meet you and your little one. Until then, know that you are loved, seen, and known.  Not only by us, but also by God.   

Hello

The challenge of painting the best picture of us in a short blurb is simultaneously daunting and exciting.  What follows is our best attempt to give you a good, honest description of who we are as a couple, where we’ve been, how we got here, and where we want to go as our family grows.  For us, adoption is a calling.  It’s something that God put on our hearts early in our lives, and as we grew together as a couple, that calling has gotten stronger.  And finally, we feel like we can answer the call.   

THIS IS US (Part 1)

We are Ben and Angela and our life together as husband and wife began with “I dos” almost 11 years ago.    Our journey together started almost two years before that day, when we met as castmates in a long running show in Chicago.  While it wasn’t highbrow theatre, for two actors just starting out, it was a steady paycheck in the arts.  

Chicago holds a special place in our hearts, it’s where we met and where  we became best friends.  It’s where we started our life as husband and wife and it’s where we struggled in a tiny, one-bedroom apartment working more jobs than either one of us can remember.   It’s where we ‘grew up’ and learned to create, struggle, and live.  It’s where we learned that our life is who we’re with and who we trust.  It’s why we start every day with the statement to the other, “Today, I decide to be married to you.” 

In 2012, we (and by now our ‘we’ is us plus our dog, Indiana) uprooted and made the trek cross-country to Los Angeles. Ben had had stopped acting and was working full-time in Corporate Training.  He was on the road a lot, but it allowed us to move and create a new home in LA.  It also gave Ben the time to answer a calling to pursue a degree from Seminary and work in ministry.  He started in 2014 and graduated from Fuller Theological Seminary in 2017.  He changed careers along the way to be home more and to be more available for ministry.  If there’s one vocation he would love to have, it’s working as a chaplain with high school and college students.  Faith can be hard, and many young people question it.  He loves working with them to explore their walk with Christ.  

Planted firmly in LA, Angela grew.  She was raised a PK (Preacher’s Kid) and was now a PW (Preacher’s Wife).  She’s not your typical PW, though.  She’s certainly supportive of Ben and his role in the church, but it doesn’t define her walk with Christ or her own ministry of seeing the unseen, standing in the gap for the hurting, and working towards Grace and mercy for all of God’s creation.  Angela is creative, working on a dozen TV shows.  When not acting she’s writing and pitching pilots and short films.  

She’s also a designer.  If you’ve ever needed a creative makeover for a space – kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, or living room – Angela’s done it and has helped friends, family, and non-profits, do it as well.  

Angela (in Ben’s words)

If I get one word to describe Angela, it’s ‘kind.’  In our marriage vows, I wrote that she was the ‘little girl with the biggest heart.”  At our vow renewal ten  years later, I said it again.  She feels in a big way.  If you’re happy, she’s overjoyed.  If you’re down, Angela’s with you holding you up.  If you’re taking time to ‘figure things out,’ Angela’s there with you to process it.  Don’t let the kindness fool you, Angela’s not a pushover.    She’s smart and quick with a keen sense of Christ-centered justice.  If I get a second word, it’s ‘backbone.’  She’ll stand with you and speak for you when you’ve been wronged, she’ll tell you when you’re wrong, and she’ll walk with you to make it right.  In a world of brokenness, I’ve never met anyone who’s more passionate about learning why that is, how we’ve contributed to it, and how we can make it better.  It’s not all talk with her, it’s action, it’s prayer, and then more action.  

A final word would be ‘graceful.’  Sure, the way she walks into a room, the way she carries herself, the way she puts everything together is so beautiful it takes my breath away.  But she’s full of Grace.  She’s quick to forgive, she’s slow to speak, and she’s the best listener I’ve ever met. She’s sowed seeds of forgiveness in our families.   She’s taught us how to respect others and work towards a common ground.  She’s the first to offer an apology and she’s the first to forgive.  She’s often the first to cry, but she’s always the first to laugh.   We’re not here today, continuing this 11-year journey through life and career and family in Christ, if Angela isn’t the one who shows Christ’s uncommon Grace to me every day.   

I fell in love with her because of her passion for life, her passion to create and do, and her passion to learn.  Every day is new to her, she goes full out with an open heart.  She gets hurt because of it, but she does it again and again and again and she won’t ever stop.  The way she loves is huge. I’ve seen it.  I’ve experienced it.  I’m in awe of it.  She’ll be the best mom anyone can imagine.  

Ben (in Angela’s words)

I may be biased, although I have no doubt that the people who know and love Ben would share the same sentiment: he’s one of the good ones.  He is  by the far the greatest gift the Lord has bestowed upon my life. And that goes for our future little one too - he or she is going to be blessed from the start with a daddy who will love them unconditionally and make them laugh uncontrollably. 

Ben’s the best friend you’d want to have by your side in an adventure; he’s the rock when you need a foundation, and he’s your biggest champion when you need a personal cheerleader. He has witty sense of humor, a sharp mind, and a selfless love to help others that surpasses anyone’s expectations. He also just gets stuff done.  

Most importantly, he loves the Lord. Not in a self-righteous way, but in a raw, human way.  His faith is growing and evolving.  It might be the seminarian in him, but his passion for growing and talking about faith is inspiring.  It’s been almost eleven years together and it’s safe to say it only feels like two. I’ve seen him grow into the man he is today. He’s always been one of the good ones. But somehow, each year, he always out does himself and grows into an even cooler human to do life with.

When we started this adoption journey, the  world was undergoing a much-needed shift. Lin-Manuel Miranda’s words ring true, “This is not a moment, it’s a movement.” One morning, Ben shared with me that he had been writing a journal to our future son or daughter. Sharing with them a little bit about the current state of our world and how he hoped “the movement” would make a better future for our child. (This is a prayer we share).  He didn’t go into much detail, nor did I ask.  That’s for them to share – the wisdom of a father to a child.  I can imagine it though, each entry is filled with truth, love, dreams, and hope for a beautiful tomorrow.  

This is only a little glimpse of my husband.  Like I said, he’s pretty amazing and I have no doubt that he will exceed all of my expectations when it comes to navigating parenthood together.  

This is Us (Part 2)

Real talk now, our life isn’t perfect.  We’ve had some incredible peaks in our lives and careers and those times are a blast.  But there have also been times where we felt the rising tides of anxiety, careers, and finances would swallow us whole.  But we battled.  And by God’s Grace and the support of family and friends, we’re here today.  We’ve grown together in the battle, we’ve learned from the mistakes, and we stand stronger together because of them.   

Our Family

We’ve been incredibly blessed in this area. Because Ben often worked internationally, we’ve gotten to travel and see the world.   Our families are  tightly knit, and we travel to them, they come to us, or we all go on a trip together.  We’d rather make memories and memories come from being together.   Angela’s a small-town girl from Southern Indiana and much of her family is still there.  She has been able to lure a cousin out to the West Coast for school and career.  We see the whole Southern Indiana family frequently – celebrating Christmas in matching pajamas and sharing celebrations of graduations and upcoming weddings.  Due to the pandemic, none of us were able to gather in person for Angela’s grandmother’s 100th birthday, but, Lord willing,  we’ll be there for her 101st. 

Ben’s sister and her family, along with  their mom, live in Southern California as well.  It makes for easy holidays and frequent trips with our nephew.  Ben is originally from Alabama and his dad still lives there.  He’s semi-retired, so if Angela couldn’t make an international trip, his dad would often accompany for fun.  They’re close, and if there’s one big influence in Ben’s life, it’s his dad.  When we told our families about adopting, we couldn’t have asked for better reactions.  Angela’s family is excited to be grandparents/aunts/uncles for the first time and Ben’s family can’t wait to have a second grandchild.  Everyone is booking plane tickets and re-arranging holiday travel.  

Our Friends

At our ten-year vow renewal, we made a special toast to friends:  you don’t  stay married and you can’t do life together without great friends.  Our Squad is diverse; they’ve has been with us from high school, college, jobs, church, shows, and neighbors. We wouldn’t trade them for the world.  We’ve walked through it all with them and they’ve done the same with us.  Our home is always open to them and Angela is a gifted hostess.  The way she plans and prepares to make everything special is her hallmark.  Her cheese boards are legendary. 

Our Home

Our home, for now, is an apartment. After Seminary, when Ben stopped traveling, he started with a multi-family investment firm.  It’s high stress, but it’s a job that’s all about people, and he loves it.  It’s also a job that has allowed us to live in an apartment for free, enabling us to save the rent and build up a down payment.  We’re actively house hunting.  

Again, Birth Momma, thank you for reading this.  Thank you for considering us.  We hope we’ve been able to present who we are, how we got to be here, and where we’re going.  Has our journey been perfect?  No.  But its uniquely and beautifully ours.  But by God’s Grace and guidance, and indescribable love, your journey continues and so does ours.  We hope we can journey together.  

With Love, 

Ben & Angela